In honor of Parents of Preemies Day we would like to share some special poems called Imagine.. that were initiated by Diane Maroney, author of Your Premature Baby and Child – Helpful Answers and Advice for Parents. Diane gathered this information to explain what it was like to be a preemie parent for a speech she was giving for a neonatal conference in 1997! Although written 15 years ago, these sentiments are timeless and could be expressed similarly by parents today.
Mary Beth Hazelgrove
Executive Director, Preemies Today
Here is a sampling of the Parent Imagines.
| “The idea of conveying the thoughts and feelings of parents of premature infants by using “Imagine…” began in 1997. I was asked to give a presentation to the Colorado Perinatal Care Counsel about the needs of preemie parents. When I asked the parents on the Preemie-l support list to finish the sentence “Imagine..”, telling society what life parenting a preemie has been like for them, the “Imagine” thread was started. Thoughts and feelings quickly flowed from all over the world. I hope these words will bring a better sense of understanding and emotional peace to those who read them.” Diane Maroney |
Parent Imagines…
Holly
Imagine being 23 weeks pregnant with your first baby at 21 years old, and your water breaks and you are hemorrhaging…….
Imagine being taken to a hospital where they tell you that your baby only weighs 535 grams, and that she isn’t “viable” unless she is 700 grams……
Imagine being told that there is no amniotic fluid left. Imagine not knowing that the baby can make more…….
Imagine crying hysterically with your husband because you can’t imagine your life without this baby now. Imagine praying to God for a miracle…….
Imagine having no idea that babies across the world are born premature every day, and that babies have survived at even 22 weeks……..
Imagine as you are lying int he hospital bed crying with your husband, a TV show comes on. Imagine that TV show is Guinness Book of World Records, and that one of the records is the world’s most premature baby. Imagine realizing this is the answer to your prayers, a reassurance from God not to give up hope just yet………
Imagine being transferred to a hospital in the middle of the night where they tell you that they will try to save your baby if that is what you want them to do. Imagine the joy we felt when they told us they considered our baby “viable”……….
Imagine laying in the hospital for two weeks on complete, strict bed rest hanging upside down, giving your daughter time to grow, hoping and praying each day that today isn’t the day she decides to come too soon………
Imagine that every time you move, your baby’s heart rate drops to the 60′s…….
Imagine that when you are 25 weeks pregnant, you go into labor, and have your baby. Imagine that she weighs 1 lb. 11 oz. Imagine that you only get a quick glance at the baby you just gave birth to before she is taken away to be resuscitated……….
Imagine a God so awesome that He held your hand during and after the birth and gave you the most overwhelming feeling of peace you have ever felt. Imagine knowing that your baby was going to be OK even as you hear “I can’t find a heartbeat”……..
Imagine waiting over an hour to go see her and when you get there, all her alarms are going off and after a mere few seconds, you are told you have to leave because they need to work on her……..
Imagine sitting by her bed and crying every day when all you want to do is show her how much you love her, but you don’t know how. Imagine wanting to sit by her side 24 hours a day, but not being able to……..
Imagine finally holding her after she is ten days old. Imagine doing Kangaroo care for the first time the next day. Imagine she gets very unstable the next day, and no one will let you hold her anymore. Imagine aching to hold her every day now. Imagine asking each nurse every day only to hear “No, she is too little.” Imagine that 10 days later the nurse who let you do the Kangaroo Care comes back and lets you hold her again……..
Imagine over three months of going back and forth between the NICU and home. Imagine arguing every day with your husband because you want to spend more time at the hospital than he does. Imagine leaving your daughter every day and crying EVERY time………
Imagine the doctors start to talk about her coming home. Imagine the day that you are told you will room in with her and she will go home the next day. Imagine having all your things packed and ready to go, only for the doctor to come and tell you they have bad news……..
Imagine knowing that once again you have to leave your daughter at the hospital. Imagine not being able to fathom leaving her again after spending the night with her last night……
Imagine that two weeks later you finally do take her home. Imagine the joy you feel as you walk out of the hospital with your daughter for the first time. Imagine bringing her into your home and snuggling with her on your couch……..
Imagine that today she is now nine times the size she when she was born. Imagine that she is sitting up and starting to do baby talk. Imagine that you never thought things would turn out as well as they have. Imagine thanking God every day for having her in your life. Imagine looking at your daughter every day and knowing that you are looking at a miracle…….
Imagine knowing tons of preemie moms thanks to the information super highway (known as the Internet!) and loving them like they are your family. Imagine that some of your best friends, you have never even met. Imagine thanking God every day for having them in your life!
Elizabeth
Just imagine taking a few steroid shots in your bottom until you can’t move and then being told your child may not survive in one breath.
Just imagine looking at your child as if he were “ET” instead of your precious boy you were wishing for.
Just imagine being told you can’t hold your baby even after four weeks.
Just imagine your husband telling you not to get your hopes up.
Just imagine your husband asking you for a paternity test because his other two children from his previous marriage were perfectly healthy and he couldn’t understand the problem.
Just imagine that I look at him today at 16 pounds and you would never know he was so small and sick. WOW !
Just imagine how I cried when Gabriel cracked his first smile.
Finally Gabriel has become demanding and bangs his toys. What a feeling!
Try to “IMAGINE” anything until you are blessed with a special premature child and experiencing the feelings of joy, fear, surprise, guilt, overwhelmed, love and anger all wrapped up in a ball.
Brigitte
Imagine being sick as a dog for weeks and not knowing why.
Imagine having many pregnancy tests–all negative.
Imagine four weeks later finding out that you are in fact pregnant even while you were on the pill.
Imagine not wanting to be pregnant and complaining the whole time about being pregnant.
Imagine spotting for the first nine weeks of pregnancy and the docs don’t know why.
Imagine still complaining about getting fat during pregnancy and not wanting to be pregnant.
Imagine getting back pains and not knowing why.
Imagine asking your friend if your high fever meant pre term Labor.
Imagine your friend telling you to take two Tylenol and go to Bed.
Imagine how you felt when you said you wanted the baby now (@ 22.6 weeks) and giving birth the very next day.
Imagine the guilt.
Imagine the docs and nurses telling your husband that it’s either his wife or the baby or both that may not make it.
Imagine your husband crying uncontrollably.
Imagine your baby being born and looking purple and not making a sound.
Imagine the docs telling you that she may not make it and if we wanted them to call the chaplain.
Imagine being told that your baby may not live till the next day.
Imagine your prayers.
Imagine seeing your baby for the first time and being in total shock
Imagine not being able to hold her for nearly two months.
Imagine not hearing her cry for two months.
Imagine your joy when she is finally off the vent and being able to hold her and kiss her and kiss her and kiss her.
Imagine your love finally being able to flow without fear of losing her. Imagine 110 days in the NICU and the elation of finally bringing her home.
Candy
Imagine bleeding at 16 weeks and thinking you are going to lose your baby.
Imagine being told you have to make it 24 weeks or your baby won’t survive.
Imagine being on bed rest for 13 weeks. (It was worth it though)!!!!
Imagine to find out it was from a low-lying placenta and an incompetent cervix.
Imagine having surgery while you are pregnant.
Imagine crying for joy when you find out on an ultrasound your baby weighs over a pound and has a chance for survival.
Imagine thinking your water broke and it was blood.
Imagine your placenta detaching.
Imagine having an emergency C-Section.
Imagine being told 15 more minutes and both of us would have died from blood loss.
Imagine having your son at 29 weeks weighing 2 pounds 9 ounces.
Imagine him being taken one hour away from you that night. Never to hold him right after he was born. To know if he would live or die. And not be able to be there with him because you are so drugged up from having a C-Section.
Imagine the first time we got to see his beautiful face.
Imagine the first few weeks of life a NEC scare, A heart murmur, Grade 2 ROP, A grade 4 brain bleed.
Imagine being told by your doctor you have a choice to remove the vent and let him die, because he had a bleed.
Imagine me refusing to let my son die without a fight.
Imagine the doctor telling you your son may never walk or talk.
Imagine having him baptized not knowing if he is going to live or die.
Imagine him coming home after a 88 day stay in the NICU.
Imagine him smiling and laughing.
Imagine him beating all the odds. (Knock on wood)
Imagine his mother loves him more than life itself.
Imagine him beating all the odds.
Alan
Imagine his wife thinking he doesn’t care because he only cries when he’s alone. Imagine that every one of these moms’ Imagines is partnered by a dad who has to be strong and hide his feelings.
Imagine your feelings when someone asks you “wouldn’t it be better if he were to die now, and not get your hopes up, only to have them dashed?”
Imagine the guilt you feel as your child is progressing, while the mom who held your hand two days ago has just been told her son has brain damage and may not survive the week.
Just imagine if all this happened to YOU – it did, yet it seems like just a bad dream.
What can you Imagine? Please share your thoughts about what it is like being a preemie parent and share this with others. Be sure to like Preemie Parents’ Day on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/parentsofpreemiesday
Also, be sure to “like” Preemies Today while you are there.
To read more Parent Imagines click here: http://www.premature-infant.com/parent.html.
Imagine poems used with permission.
